i love mariah carey with all of my heart. you guys dont even know. jer older music is perfect for when you are in one of those moods. i'om currently listening to i'll be there, thinking that i really wish that i had somebody to be like that with. me and james are dating, but i feel as though i can never be like that with him because he will get pissed off if i ask him to be there for me when i need him there. i was in a really depressive mood the other day, and it seemed as though he didn't even care. i asked him to come over cuz i just wanted him to be there, and he wouldn't because it would have been putting him out too much. he had been at work all day and was too tired to come over. i dont know where the hell he expects us to go. it is bad enough right now that we get to see each other so little. once school starts again, we will NEVER see each other. i am about ready to cut my losses and sum it up to it wasn't meant to be. that way i can find somebody that i will actually be able to see almost every day. i don't deal very well with prolonged absence of the boyfriend figure. i have been fucked over every other time that has happened. kind of puts a damper on my trust factor. and now bringing on the heartache is on. i think the msic is trying to tell me something. i realized today that it has been so long since i have talked to dan and ryan that i don't even think they know i have a job. i'ove been working for over a month. how bad is that? they are supposed to be my best friends in the world, and they don't even know that i have a job. i miss them with all of my heart. they are what has held me together all these years, and they are not around.

it is cold in my house. it needs to get warmer. i went to work thursday at six o'clock at night, and didn't leave until nine o'clock in the morning friday. i came home, fell asleep around ten thirty, and then was pretty much up again around three thirty. i haven't been back to bed yet and i have to be at work by six. this is going to be fun because i cant go to bed until my mom gets home around ten thirty. i have to work until one thirty in the morning. probably wont get out of there until around two thirty, three. im gonna die one of these days of exaustion. even when i do sleep, it isn't straight through. i wake up every hour or so. total i get around five or six hours every twenty hours. not bad i guess if i was just sitting around the house all day, but i am on my feet for all but like two hours of it.

ct is mad. he wanted his hair to be a little shorter so that he could get rid of the dead ends, but still let it grow out. the longest guard i had was a four. it is short again. hahaha. it looks really good though. especially with the red in it.

jenn, honny, i love you, and i am sorry if i snap at you a lot at work, but you have to understand that when i ask you to do something, it is your job to do it, not mine, which is why i asked you to do it. i don't have time to do your job on top of mine. if i weren't busy, i wouldn't ask you to do it and you know that. i don't mean to be mean about it, so if it sounds like i am being a bitch at times, i am sorry.

alisha, you are doing a really awesome job. keep it up. i am really proud of you. you do good, and you keep your cool ninety percent of the time.

jen and jessi, i know i havent really been the greatest friend as of late, and i am really sorry. i just have a lot on my mind, on top of work, and i am trying not to involve anyone else in it right now. jen, i will spend some time with you as soon as i can. i drop down to part time when school starts probably, which means that i will have a little more time to spend with friends. not a lot, but a little. jessi, i want to have a day that is just me and you together before you leave. we will go eat and go do something. that way we can have one more day together before you leave. is that cool?i will let you know what my schedule is and when i am off so that we can figure it out.

jenn davis, i have not heard from you in a damn long time. you need to get in touch with me one way or another, or i will hitch hike my ass to philly and drag you out with me so we can talk!!!maybe i will try to call you this morning before i actually go to bed. you should be up by now.

well enough of all this. i have stuff to do!! love to you!!!